When Lena, 52, began dating, her son, Paul, joined the same dating site. Together, mother and son set out to find love. Lena’s family was concerned for Lena. After 30 years of marriage, she was very vulnerable. What did she know about dating or sexually transmitted diseases? Lena knew one thing: love does not have a best-before date.
Lena is one of many fiery over 50 dames with lots of life. The idea of dating put a sparkle into her eyes. After a few unproductive “let’s meet for coffee” dates, she struck gold! Ryan, whom she met in her doctor’s waiting room, was everything she hoped for.A widower without children, Ryan was like a breath of fresh air. He put romance and zest into her life. They fell madly in love and lived happily ever after.
This is a dating dream come true for most older, single women. Today, dating over 50 is just as common as dating at a younger age. However, there are profound differences in life circumstances and experiences. Unfortunately, not all dating adventures of older singles have happy endings.
Dating at a mature age comes with baggage. Ex wives, stepchildren, step-grandchildren, in-laws, lifestyles or commitments, just to name a few. This baggage prevents many singles from creating close relationships. Yet, there are good news for all mature singles, who have not found their “one and only”
As a mature person you have qualities such compassion, integrity, and wisdom, all of which nurture rewarding relationships. Use exactly those qualities to find love and avoid falling victim to clever-minded dating strategies.
Successful relationships are based on three principles: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity. These are also common-sense dating principles.
1. Mutual Respect: Others are just as valuable as you
Our generation has made history as ambassadors of a “what’s-in-it-for-me” society. Much of the dating advice today supports this attitude. Just make your wish list and check it against your date. While dating can be fun, for most 50 plus singles it is about finding a life-mate.
When you date, treat him with respect. Be on time and be interested. If there is mutual attraction, share your likes and dislikes openly. Don’t get lost in keeping score. Respect that a first date is a fishing trip to determine if there is enough interest for a second date. By all means give each other a chance.
If you are not interested, don’t lead him on. You are mature and don’t need a black book filled admirers. If you like him, but the feeling is not mutual, make it easy to call the quits. Treat your date the way you would want to be treated.
2. Moral Responsibility: You are always morally responsible to
those with whom you have a relationship
This begs the question as to when a relationship begins. You have graduated from the coffee shop to seeing a movie. He wined and dinned you and now invites you to a barbeque with friends. While this is not a marriage proposal, it is nevertheless personal. No red flags have popped up yet and you accept the invitation. This has the potential for a relationship. Now is the time to get to know him instead of looking over the shoulder for other suitors.
Here is why: often relationships between dating singles never develop because they are occupied with multiple dates. Sleeping with multiple dates is morally irresponsible to each one. Be as responsible as you would be to your best friend, because he may be that some day.
3. Authenticity: Love only happens when you are real
Have you ever found yourself laughing simply because everyone else did? Told someone had a fabulous time when you didn’t or said: “I love you” when you didn’t mean it? Did you ever do something inconsistent with your true self just to please someone or get what you wanted? Of course we all have. We have lost the bravery to be real!
For many there is quite a gap between the person inside and the person we present to the world. In the competitive world of dating misrepresentation is at an all time high. If you seek love, forget about how to make him fall in love with you. Forget about Mars and Venus, in the real world we are all human beings first, men and women second.
Most singles over 50 want to love and belong. Wear what makes you feel like a million dollar babe, not what you think impresses him. While you are not to disclose your sexual history on a first date, be straightforward on topics that you are comfortable with.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be authentic and be honest!
Don’t waste your precious time pretending to be what you are not. You may not land many second dates, but at this stage it is about quality, not quantity. Love only happens when you are real. These three universal principles are no-fail dating concepts that keep you sane and on the road to love.
To boost your dating success, Ivana Trump is adding a bonus for all the fabulous and mature women. In her new TV show she introduces older women to younger men. Sounds like the Demi Moore style of dating is gaining popularity. With quite a few older men dating much younger women, Ivana is orchestrating a balancing act. Love has no boundaries, is ageless and keeps you young. Maybe Ivana’s reality show will get you in the groove.
© 2005 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and the Author of “Are You Fit To Love?”